Just Me.

So yesterday was one of those perfect fall days in New England that I have to remind myself of when I’m digging my car out from 2 feet of snow and cursing my husband  for wanting to stay in Connecticut. The sun was bright, the air was chilly, the leaves are beautiful and I woke up motivated. So as my husband set to work painting one of our bathrooms (from a light yellow to a deep gray-blue) I threw on a baseball hat and visited some local antique/thrift stores. I walked around the cozy downtown I’ve known forever, I chatted with the shop owners, I sifted through racks of photographs and vintage home décor, I purchased a stunning antique silver tray for our dining room and I just felt this overwhelming sense of things being ‘okay’. I think sometimes I imagine life is just always going to be difficult…like those nagging feelings of loss and disappointment won’t ever allow me to forget our struggles…but it’s not like that lately. Sure, some days are terrible: I went shopping with my mother the other day and I kid you not I saw FIVE pregnant women in the 20 minutes we were in the store…days like that make me want to go home, crawl into bed and curse the world and everyone in it. But days like yesterday, when the sun is shining and I sit in my cozy home with the fire on, my husband next to me, cuddled in a warm blanket I just feel very content.

The husband and I also attended a surprise 30th birthday party for a friend we went to college with…my husband misplaced the invite so he asked a friend to send him a screen-shot of the invitation so we had the parties information (time, location, etc.) Well imagine my surprise when at 2pm he showed me the screenshot and I discovered the party was a COSTUME PARTY….the surprise was on me!! I had already planned on wearing a faux fur vest that’s been sitting in my closet for over a year (last fall I was hitting the Follistim and Lupron injections hard…I barely left my house for anything other than work, I certainly wasn’t going anywhere worthy of wearing faux fur) so I quickly googled Halloween costumes with fur vests (Pinterest is a lifesaver!) and opted to be a deer…

Well of course there wasn’t a pair of antlers at the party shop (of note: after 3 minutes inside the chaotic and crowded store Dan turned to me and basically said it was him or the antlers…) So I dragged him to the craft store next to the party shop (shockingly not crowded at all) and spent $20 on fake twigs and moss, two sheets of felt (one white, one tan) brown pipe cleaners and a $6 skeleton make-up kit…and set to work making myself into a presentable doe…

I think the doe costume turned out about as good as a doe costume can turn out when you make it in 2 hours, but it was fun to get back into a little ‘crafting’…a pastime I kind of pushed to the side when infertility took over our life.

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please note: we don’t support killing Bambi, we were simply very desperate. 

The party was interesting because the guests were mostly Dan’s friends, not mine…and no one there knows anything about our infertility. We’re also the only couple who is married, so I feel like none of them are even considering children (unless they’re considering how NOT to have children) so I had the opportunity to go an entire night without one single person asking me about children… NOT ONCE! I usually go around thinking every person who knows Dan and I are wondering why we’re not having children yet, forgetting that many people probably consider it very normal that at 29 and 3 years into our marriage Dan and I are not having children. It was kind of nice for an evening to just be Meghan…not sad, infertile, miscarriage Meghan…but just Meghan…dressed like a doe, drinking at a bar and singing happy birthday to a friend I met freshman year of college when life revolved around pizza, parties, the cute guy in the cafeteria and trying to get into the universities nursing program. It was nice to take a night off from all things infertile…I think it was the perfect introduction to the new way I’m trying to look at life (and this blog) making room for life outside the gold dress.

 

One thought on “Just Me.

  1. dubliner in deutschland says:

    That was a clever costume you both wore at such last minute! We went to a party like that lately with friends who were mainly unmarried or didn’t have kids so no one was asking us about our family plans and we were just able to relax, drink and have fun, and like you said, forget we’re dealing with infertility and just feel normal! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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