It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

Today is my 29th birthday…to be honest I’ve never been a big fan of birthdays, too much hype over one day. (I’m also not a big fan of New Year’s). But this year hit me hard. I woke up this morning and kept thinking…this is not where I imagined I would be at 29. So I did what any mature, 29 year old does: I threw myself a pity party. I sat down on my bedroom floor and cried…I cried for everything I did not have in my life (a baby) and a few things I did (specifically hormones: I’m back on Lupron injections and I really hate these things). And truthfully, I planned on going through my day feeling sorry for myself…The phrase “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” was going to be my birthday anthem.

And then my phone started buzzing. Text messages from old and new friends wishing me happiness. My siblings posting sweet messages on Instagram. My best friend leaving me a voicemail filled with so much love and kindness I cried happy tears. And I realized I need to get a grip.

Yes, my life is not where I thought it would be. Yes, I threw away my birth control exactly 2 years ago because Dan and I decided 27 was going to be our year. Yes, it stinks that I do not have a child. And it is completely okay that I cried my eyes out this morning. But I have a husband who knows the way to my heart is coconut mounds ice cream and has a pint waiting for me in the freezer. I have a ridiculous number of friends who took the time out of their busy days to reach out to me. I have a healthy, 78 year old grandmother who took me out to lunch and told me “nothing bad will happen in 2016.” I have a tan because I just spent 4 days in Florida with my parents.  (If you’re thinking a tan isn’t really something to be thankful for I’ll imagine you’ve never been of fair complexion and living in New England). I do not have everything I thought I was going to have, but I need to take the time to recognize and be thankful for what I do have.

So today I threw myself a pity party. It was a good one too, filled with lots of tears, chips & salsa (so what if it was 9 am, salsa is good any time of the day!) and genuine sadness over the gifts I do not have in my life. And then I left said pity party and decided to be thankful for all the gifts I do have: an incredibly kind, loving (and I must admit, ridiculously handsome when he has a suntan) husband, amazingly thoughtful, genuine friends and the most supportive family in the universe. So a little advice (because I’m 29 now, which makes me significantly smarter): feel free to throw yourself a pity party, but take the time to enjoy the real party (your amazing life).

 

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25 years later and this is still exactly how I look at cake!

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